I get asked a lot why I don’t have a boyfriend. My answer is usually “Oh, I’m just picky. I’m okay! Life’s still fun!” And that’s partially true. But I think that there should be more to my answer than that. 

I don’t have an answer for why I’m not dating someone or not married. Would I love an answer? yes. But God very rarely gives us the answers in the timing we expect. And that’s okay. He has proven Himself faithful through my life, and His answers have always come at the perfect time. I’m always thankful He waits to answer me until He knows it’s best rather than when I want an answer. 

I’ve asked Him, and He slowly makes it clear how He is sanctifying me in my singleness. And I sometimes remind Him (LOL) that He could also use marriage to sanctify me!!! Sooo like, why He gotta only use singleness so far?! And when I do that, I imagine He just smiles lovingly at me and says, “Trust me, dear one. Immeasurably more.”

A little about me: I’ve never dated anyone (other than my 5th grade bf for 11 months, if that counts). I do go on lots of dates. Dates are fun, sometimes. They also can be exhausting, having to introduce myself over and over. You would think I would feel okay, getting asked out as much as I do. Big confidence booster, right? 

But honestly, it’s more draining than anything. I get excited about a date, and then I’m disappointed because I end up not liking them, etc. etc. and I really am tempted to just settle and date someone because maybe it would be fun. 

But no, (praise God) I have wonderful friends that look me in the eyes and remind me of my worth. And sister, I am looking you in your eyes right now and reminding you of the same: you are not someone’s second best option or just the cute happy girl boys like to have fun with. Nope. You are worth a King dying to redeem your soul. You’re worth so much more than sleepovers on a couch and flirting with at a party when someone’s sad about their ex. You have a place saved for you at the table in Heaven, and your Savior will do anything to make sure you get there. 

Community is SO important, and life is SO fun, even if we are not married! Seek out women who love the Lord to walk through life with!

So, back to that verse about immeasurably more. What God’s revealed to me about the purpose of my singleness. Recently He has shown me the selfishness of my thoughts and freed me so much from that which I did not even realize I was ensnared by. 

Growing up, I got made fun of a lot because I was such a “good Christian girl.” Whatever that means. And, as you can guess, this led to me not getting invited to a lot of things & not getting all the attention from guys my other friends were getting. 

I started figuring out how to be “cute” and “flirty” so people would stop making fun of me for not dating anyone or making out with guys just because. 

And 7 years later, God is just now revealing to me the hold that the desire to be included had on my heart. I love how God’s not ever in a hurry to teach us things. 

40 Years in the wilderness? No big deal. No rush. 

I am seeing now that I built that exterior of “fun happy cute flirty girl” to keep people from thinking I was uncool and unworthy of dating.

 I spent 7 years with this thought in the back of my mind: ”If a guy is not noticing me, then I’m a waste of ‘cute fun hot smart athletic pretty,’ so I gotta be flirty and fun enough to get people’s attention.” 

WOW, when God revealed that to me… geez. How selfish my thoughts had been for SO long. Every situation I was in, I was striving to be impressive enough to get the affirmation I thought I needed to validate my worthiness as a person. 

Eventually I figured out how to get this attention pretty consistently. I would put myself in situations where I knew a cute boy(s) would be and would feel validated enough that I wasn’t weird and could in fact date someone if I felt like it. But the times I didn’t get the affirmation I wanted… the void I felt in my heart should’ve been such a warning sign to me.  

I spent all those years walking with Jesus. He was faithful the entire time, teaching me little by little more about His character and who He is. So when He convicted me of this, revealed to me the sin that was entangling my heart, I knew it was in love. I knew it was because He wanted me to have the fullness of joy that comes from knowing Him. Not because He wanted to condemn me, but because He wanted to set me free. 

So, whether you are single or not, I say all this to say: God can be trusted in whatever season you are in. He can be trusted to answer your questions. You can trust Him to walk with you, even if you can only see one step in front of you. 

He has answered my prayer for answers about singleness in ways immeasurably more than I could’ve asked for. He’s revealed the freedom that comes from setting my heart and thoughts on Him and shown me the good King and Father that He is. 

Do I still have questions? Yes. Do I still get sad some days about being single and ask God why I haven’t met my husband, if I even have one? Yes. But the sweetest thing in all of it is being able to sit with my Creator and trust that His purpose and plan for my life is so. much. greater. than thoughts fixated on making myself seen and known. 

And when I really think about it, I have this choice with every person I encounter: Do I want to let my thoughts be focused on how I can get them to think I am impressive, or would I rather fix all my thoughts and efforts on having people understand who God is and see HIS beauty rather than mine? Any beauty I have comes from Him. He is our eternal hope. Me being impressive isn’t going to do anything for anyone. So my song and prayer in singleness will continue to be Christ be magnified. There is nothing in this universe I could need more desperately than Him. 

Just know you’re not alone and that marriage isn’t the end goal in life. We were not created just to get married. I’m praying the Lord shows me I’m not missing out on anything. I’m praying that I’ll allow Him to satisfy my soul with His ever-faithful love. I’m praying that He will help me believe the truth that He does not withhold one good thing from those whose hearts are upright.